It takes a memoir that I download for free onto my Kindle for God to get through to me.
I had been, once again, complaining inwardly about the fact that J seems to read half the day when he doesn’t have a project to do. Doesn’t he care about his purpose or calling? Surely he can’t feel fulfilled with just working on his novel for less than an hour a day average. And he never uses his artistic talent.
(Aside from the storage shed he built, and putting the walls of our earth-sheltered house together in just the way I wanted them, and tiling the floor of said house in perfectly straight lines. Aside from all that, he never uses his artistic talent. Oh, NO.)
I also recently went into freak-out mode about the bunion on my right foot (the one on the left I had surgically removed several years ago). It’s gotten larger. Notably so. Thanks to constantly exercising it, I can still move the joint away from the other toes (I couldn’t do that with the bunion I had removed when it got this bad), and it’s not visibly overlapping the next toe (although it will if I take off my flip-flop and let it rest). But the bone almost has a sharp point to it, and my second toe is starting to get pushed.
(Forget that I don’t have cancer. That my mind is in great working order. That I can get up and walk every day. That I have no financial worries. None of that matters, because I have an extra bone growth on my foot.)
So I’ve been discontented and worried.
And then I read the Scripture verse the author put at the beginning of one of her chapters: “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139)
The words stopped me in my tracks. I know that Father destined for J and I to be soulmates before we were born. And Father knew what J would be doing, thinking and feeling at this point in his life. Just like He knew everything about me.
About the bunion, say for example.
The Creator is not falling of His throne at the imperfections in my life, nor the life of my husband. He has known about them for some time now! And if God knows, if God planned everything out in my life, what I am so worried about?
But then I wonder, what about the screw-ups? What about free will that leads us down wrong paths and causes us to suffer consequences that fall outside of Father’s perfect plan for us?
What about them? How important will all that be in light of eternity? How important are they now, if I but remember that my Father works everything for my good?
J can read all he wants. As long as he keeps the composting toilet dumped and the Berkey filled. And kisses me once in a while.
I’ll deal with the bunion. I can. Because I am not alone with this struggle.
And because mostly, I am blessed.
I am already a chapter in God’s book.