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Liver Cleanse, Anyone?

A liver cleanse. What is it? Got a picture of a butcher spraying rows and rows of…no, wait, that’s gross.

I’m talking about your liver. You know, that organ that is almost solely responsible for moving the junk out of your body, and that is probably moving more slowly every day thanks to the ridiculous amount of toxins you are exposed to every day?

Do you need a liver cleanse?

If you talk to most medical doctors, they will scoff at the idea of a liver cleanse. The more savvy ones will cautiously tell you that it could be helpful, but to be careful because there is some kind of detox scam around every corner of the Internet.

Natural health nuts will tell you that YOU ARE GOING TO BE DEAD WITHIN FIVE YEARS IF YOU DON’T CLEANSE YOUR LIVER AT LEAST FOUR TIMES A YEAR!!!

Let me answer the “do I need” question right off: if you’ve never done a liver cleanse, your liver would probably thank you if you do one.

J and I are doing one right now, because I muscle-tested that we needed to. Why would that occur to me? Once upon a time, when I still lived in the suburbs and B was not even four years old yet, I learned from a lady who does Electrodermal Screening that my liver is the weak spot in my body.

So I know that every so often, I need to cleanse it if I want it to stay as healthy and strong as it can. But even knowing that, I forget. And start to develop symptoms. This time, I began having lower bowel issues that would not resolve themselves. When I asked my body if it was Candida overgrowth, the answer was no. “How about a congested liver?” was my next question.

Yep. In part, anyway.

But first, THE COLON!

Experts on body cleansing recommend cleansing the colon first. After all, as you decongest your liver you all the icky stuff has to go. And if your colon is already packed with old crap…well.

The thing is, we eat a 100% plant-based diet that consists of at least ten servings of fruits and vegetables every. Single. Day. Why do you think God put all that fiber in plant foods? So scam artists could bottle it and tell you that YOU’LL BE DEAD BY NEXT YEAR IF YOU DON’T START MIXING THIS IN WATER AND CHOKING IT DOWN RIGHT NOW?

No! The fiber is nature’s colon cleanse.

But most people don’t eat like we do, so the liver cleanse system we purchased had two products to help with the colon: one to make sure things moved out, and one that supposedly sucked out all of the old stuff stuck up in it. The former is to neutralizing the constipating effects of the clay and activated charcoal in the latter.

(Before I go on, I want to make this point: the source from which we purchased is very reliable. An M.D.-turned herbalist/natural health practitioner.)

Long story short: both of us ended up not needing either one of the colon cleanse products. (How did we know? Muscle-testing after unsavory results.) Lovely. Those two bottles of capsules were easily half the $90 that we paid for the system.

And it’s all the doctor’s fault. Oh, yes. It’s not my fault that I didn’t actually look to see what products we were going to get with the cleanse system. Nor that I didn’t check out the individual products, pray about whether we needed them, and then just buy what we needed. That would be too…too…sensible. Logical.

So it’s not my fault.

Anyway.

The other stuff

The two colon-cleansing supplements aside, there remained a detox tea and an herbal tincture. Both contain the herbs that are known to support liver function, such as dandelion and mill thistle. The tea, in addition, contains a variety of spices, including cinnamon and coriander.

I love, love love the tea! Yummy!

What about the tincture? Uh, er, not so much. Ever had a tincture (that’s herbs soaked in alcohol) made from bitter herbs? Maybe a friend recommended Echinacea to you one time you caught a bad cold, and you ended up dumping the contents of the vial over your friend’s head into the toilet?

Then, you understand.

Here’s what it’s like to watch J take the tincture, two droppers mixed in about three ounces of water:

ME: Here’s your delectable, tongue-tantalizing liver/gallbladder cleansing drink!

J : (Grimaces. Then downs all the liquid in one gulp.) “Cough, cough. Gag.” (Another grimace as he shoves a forkful of food into his mouth to get rid of the taste.)

**************

Aah, the joys of cleansing. But you know what? After I had already ordered this complicated mess of a liver cleanse, and it had already been shipped, I found out that all we needed to do was take two drops of rosemary and two drops of lemon twice a day for a month. (Make sure it’s a high quality brand, like one of the ones I mention in this post.)

Which would be much less than the $90. And not require me to slave in front of a stove simmering tea twice a day. And taste a lot better than an alcohol tincture.

Live and learn. You can learn vicariously from our liver cleanse mistake. You’re welcome. 😉

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