When I abandoned this blog several months ago, I said it was because I wanted to work on other writing projects.
That was only the partial truth.
The real reason that I abandoned this blog is that I felt that I had no call to try to teach other people how to live their dreams, because I wasn’t living mine. I was a failure. I had made 326 (or so) irreparable mistakes that had ruined my life.
Or so I believed at the time.
Ain’t it great that beliefs often are not the same as truth?
In my next post, I’m going to talk about how Father delivered me from depression by delivering me from perfectionism. For now, let me just say that depression brings a person’s life to a stand-still. It also completely distorts one’s perception of situations.
My life as a screw-up
Here is a partial list of mistakes I was sure I had made:
- Moving to a humid subtropical area. (can you say, “year-long allergies”?)
- Having a baby. (ADHD, anyone?)
- Having an earth-sheltered house built. (Read this post and this one to find out how schizo my feelings were about it last year.)
- Trying to be as self-sufficient in food as possible. (Okay, so that was a really and truly mistake. Another future post.)
- Ever letting my kid taste white bread. (My fault he wants it. All my fault.)
- Starting a YouTube channel.
- Being born.
Okay, so that last one was a little bit out of my control. And it usually only occurred to me during A Certain Time Of The Month. But there it was. I not only wanted to be outta here, I wish I’d never been put here in the first place.
My new attitude
But I’m a different person now. Okay, so I’m still a Jesus-lovin’ health nut. I still am on the edge of being clinically underweight, love strawberries, don’t smile enough at my family (although that’s gotten a little better lately), and despise squash bugs with all my heart.
But I’m all that, plus…I’M HAPPY! No, better: joyful. At peace with where I am in my life. Full of purpose.
I am convinced that I am living the life of my dreams.
Oh, not perfectly. I don’t expect everything – anything? – to ever go exactly the way I want it. But…
- Am I married to my soulmate? Yes.
- Am I living in a beautiful, mostly quiet place where I don’t have to listen to lawn mowers and leaf blowers every day? Yes.
- Do I have the time and opportunity to use my talents and skills to create? Yes.
- Do I get to see my hubby all day, every day – and never worry about him coming home all stressed out about his job? Yes.
- And see said hubby actually help raise his child (unlike most husbands)? Yes.
- Have I discovered a guaranteed natural method that will keep all squash bugs away from my garden forever?
Well, uh, still waiting on that last one.
But see, that’s my point: you can live the life of your dreams, even if life isn’t perfect.
Is that awesome, or is that awesome?